toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
