3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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