she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
