I think my fart just growled at me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
