FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
