Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The Olympian is in my bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
