last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
