it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
