Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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