im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
