i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
