i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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