the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
