Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
