You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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