Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
