I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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