I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
