hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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