I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
