he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
