Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
