I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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