so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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