Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
