she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
