didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
