my phone needs a breathalizer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
