Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
