How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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