I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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