They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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