Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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