We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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