nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
