I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude. I can hear the air.
He has the fingertips of a God
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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