is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
