He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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