Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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