jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
