i can't believe i had my finger in that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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