I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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