Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
