proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
