I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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