Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
