Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
