i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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