I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
