i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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